i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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