At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
