hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
