I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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