Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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