She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
