Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
