Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
