so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
