He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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