Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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