I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
