So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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