dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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