my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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