So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
