she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
