I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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