Got a toothbrush?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
