no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize