is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
