god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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