I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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