What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
