So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
