my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
