mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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