he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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