The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize