Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
organizing the empties. That sober.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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