Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The beer is more important than you right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
