i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
