new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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