i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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