how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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