wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
