I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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