were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
