Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
