enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
