is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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