I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You smell like stripper and shame
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
