I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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