I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
