I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
did you just send me my own nude
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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