It's like God shit irony all over that family
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
