How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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