She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
