i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
