i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
