Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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