the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
