I wish I could teleport
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
