Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
