chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
