If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize