You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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