i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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