Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
