Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think i have two assholes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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