I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
