We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize