Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
