it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When did angry sex become our thing?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize