Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
