i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
