eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
