I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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