I'm lost and stupid without you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize