Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
