marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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