Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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