You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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