You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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