Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
