Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
