He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
