dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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