I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
