On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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