He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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