I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
