physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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