he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
