weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
