You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
