if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
