So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
