Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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