haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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