Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
