that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize