so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
