I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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