I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
