i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
