i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
