Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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